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Does this sound ok?
Sun, Moon
Beautiful moon, Celestial Luna,
Serene Diana, Calm Artemis,
Hanging in the sky. During the day invisible to
The naked eye, Lighting travelers paths at night.
Sun, floating star, during the day heating the world,
Light bearer, Sun God, a chariot lights the Greek sky
Ancient ones know the way, Sun pulled by horses both strong and proud.
Phaeton’s woe, Sear the sky,
Sear the earth,
Alas day gives way to night
When they meet, Black day,
Red night,
A meeting of Helios and Artemis.
Polar opposites, Yet bound to the sky
One rising after the other.
for maltese, im 15
Hi Erica,
Just answered your free verse question. This does sound good. This is nice free verse. Here a few suggestions for you that may strengthen the poem (use or ignore them as you like):
When you do line breaks:
Try breaking on verbs or nouns rather than prepositions.
Try to break where there can be interesting meanings.
Hanging in the sky. During the day invisible to
Doing the break on invisible would be stronger than on to for example.
For layered meaning I'm not necessarily suggesting the next break, I just wanted to show you what I mean:
Serene Diana, Calm Artemis hanging
in the sky...
See how hanging can take on two meanings. I like the break the way you had it but I would suggest thinking about all your options as your writing.
I also think you may want to consider stanza (or in free verse strophe) breaks after:
The naked eye, Lighting travelers paths at night.
and
Sear the earth,
Given you this structure:
Sun, Moon
Beautiful moon, Celestial Luna,
Serene Diana, Calm Artemis,
Hanging in the sky. During the day invisible to
The naked eye, Lighting travelers paths at night.
Sun, floating star, during the day heating the world,
Light bearer, Sun God, a chariot lights the Greek sky
Ancient ones know the way, Sun pulled by horses both strong and proud.
Phaeton’s woe, Sear the sky,
Sear the earth,
Alas day gives way to night
When they meet, Black day,
Red night,
A meeting of Helios and Artemis.
Polar opposites, Yet bound to the sky
One rising after the other.
It's a good poem. I hope some of that is helpful.